Real success in adoption...

I struggled with the title alone of this blog and I would like to say before I type anymore: I am sorry to anyone who feels or knows the content of this blog won't or is unlikely to ever happen to their children. I do appreciate that some adopted children are likely never to become or indeed begging to become independent. 

Also, given the news about the lovely educated man Richard Page being sacked as a magistrate I will blog to prove that same sex parenting can and does work..... That's another blog and rant for another day!

We have struggled for a long while to get our oldest son, who will be 18 in June, to understand that money talks and that money doesn't fall into your lap (as have birth and adoptive parents the world over!) It has been a huge frustration that he wanted lots of nice things but wasn't willing to do the jobs/chores to earn money nor was he previously willing to get out and get a job. Why?

Well, like most things, as adoptive parents we learn as we go, and it dawned on me one day that he just didn't have the confidence or self worth/esteem to even start applying for jobs.

When he came to us aged 8yrs 10months the first thing that struck us and that remains with us is his beaming smile, he has always looked happy on the outside - he is, even now, a fantastic little actor, but with that smile comes a lot of additional needs, that wouldn't conform in a normal world. Not many get what I am trying to say, but if you have experience of adoption whether it's as a parent, being an adopted child or a great social worker, you will know what I mean.

That beaming smile is still part of him and I remember thinking that whatever happens in life he will always find work in customer service, given that smile! 

After a long time of trying to encourage him to get applying for jobs we stumbled across a job with a national food retailer, and rather than turn his nose up, as it wasn't his usual search for an MD of Ferrari or Porsche, he actually engaged with me and asked me to help him apply. The words they use are not easy for someone with problems reading, not that he can't read, just that if worded incorrectly it can cause havoc and he will give up. I was happy to help and after an hour of reading out the questions and him answering them himself his application was in! He was proud of himself and I was proud of him for applying. We waited quite a few weeks and he received an email inviting him to interview..... We were all so excited for him and proud of him!

The day of the interview was hell, as it was day time and we both work, but we managed to get Aunty to give him a bed for the night so he was local to the job interview, and all went well. It was probably better we weren't with him that morning as his anxiety and stress levels are horrendous in these kinds of situation and it ends up being a rather fractious atmosphere!

Two things that stick out from his interview that he told me about afterwards:

1) Tell me when you last led a team?

His Answer: when I completed my NCS course with college!

2) Tell me what you are most proud of?

his Answer: obtaining

My gold Duke of Edinburgh through Air Cadets.

I was impressed.... I am yet to interview a 17yr old that could answer in a similar way! He was told it would be highly probable that he would be offered the job.

He was, and there I sat tonight dropping him off at his first few hours as a young working man, granted only 13 hours per week, but add his commitment to college, air cadets and volunteering at Cubs, well you can imagine just how busy this young man will be!

It has taken a long long time to get to this point, I wondered on many occasions if he would ever start on his road to independence, but I think this is a positive step... His own money in his pocket, so that he can get his driving test passed and step out in his own in his beloved 'Fiona' - his 17th birthday present from us to encourage him to get a job.... It has taken a year but we are finally there. Actually it has taken nearly ten years, but worth every second to see him walk with pride tonight into that store!