Before you read the content of this, I must warn you that there are some positive things in here that I need to share. Unfortunately these positives are borne from a negative - so I guess it is balanced. What I don't want is for you to read this and think - patronising show off....
We are about 3 weeks into 19 year old working in America. As you will have seen, I had the arduous task of taking him there and then spending 5 days alone in Florida.
Those 4 days were just what I needed... alone in the sun, with my book and a car, shopping and not having to worry about anyone else.
So, 3 weeks in and how are things going with the other 2?
I'm touching wood as I say this, and also bearing in mind that what I am about to say is borne out of 19 year old not being at home....
Really really really really well. Here's the evidence:
17 year old (18 on Thursday) with all his problems and issues (now is not the place) has been re-born. From spending far too much time in his phone and locked away in his bedroom - to becoming sociable and actually talking to us, without being defensive, arguementative, or aggressive. He is getting involved around the house, cleaning, tidying, cutting the grass - all without being asked.
The best part is he is motivated right now, and he is set to sit his driving theory again 11 months after his first attempt - his motivation being that when his brother returns he may actually be driving and have passed his test.
Another best part is the way he is now interacting with 10 year old. It's always been a hard relationship... likely the older two still not seeing him as a brother and more of an irritant... but 17 year old has babysat over night for us, been talking to him, played football with him and chasing round tidying up and constructively moaning when he leaves stuff lying around.
Onto 10 year old....
Bear in mind we are at the end of Year 6, and everything is changing. It feels so normal, his enhanced transition is going very well with no issues, he is embracing the changes set before him with an age group change in most of his social and extra curricular activities.
Most of all... his behaviour at school and at home is absolutely perfect. It's a real eye opener to us, and we live from minute to minute thinking this will never last.
The changes for us... exactly how you would expect - we are relaxed and not on edge all the time. There's few crossed words towards each other or around the house - we are all working together, and being what I deem to be a family again.
All sounds too good to be true right? Well - I guess it is, and typing this I keep on grasping pieces of wood. It sounds like it's idyllic and that we prefer life without 19 year old. Couldn't be further from the truth - the guilt is there that life at home is going great without him, we miss him like crazy abd when we don't hear from him it aches like a dull throbbing pain in my chest, hoping that despite being on Facebook until 3am US time - he will be up and about and ready for his day, although I am sure the 6 year olds he is in charge of will make sure of that.
Needless to say, we don't feel good with this part, and we are already thinking about what happens when or if he comes home. That'll be answers on a postcard at this moment in time.
After 11 years of lurching from crisis to crisis - it is just nice - nice to be loved, wanted, talked to, and most of all not wondering when the next crisis will be - oh, we know there will be one, but just for today and the last three weeks it is nice to feel 'normal' again.
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