Conflicts of National Adoption week

From the off... I have thought about whether to write this or not for a long time, and I am not writing it for the usual reasons. I am normally the kind of person that hates conflict, and shies away from the debate... but I find myself doing that more often lately. Our latest podcast, to celebrate out first birthday/anniversary was an interesting one, as Al and I know where each other stands on a number of issues, and we debated it - not at length - but putting our feelings across on the whole week. So, I wanted to extend on that and try and resolve some of the conflicts in my head about National Adoption week.

The intent...

I think this is where my thoughts come in on this. Officially the intent of NAW - it would seem - is to recruit potential adoptive families for the number of children in the care system who are waiting to find their forever family. That is how's see it, I am not so daft as to think that isn't what it is about. When I first became aware of NAW, must be 4 or 5 years ago, we had been a family for 6 years, I had very few adoptive families friends in my area, so depended massively on social media, AUK message boards and more online support, and in my head, NAW was a week to celebrate adoption. 

I recall my first request to do a media interview for Be My Parent before the demise of BAAF - bizarrely, the theme was sibling adoption then too, it must be 5 years ago. I remember feeling part of something special, something that could be celebrated, and provided a balanced interview of why others should consider sibling adoption. Why? Because at that point in time we were probably in the third of families doing ok... that was success - wasn't it?

When I say celebrate I mean just that... celebrate the bringing together of non-biological families, just like the good old days, I look at other celebratory weeks, and yes, without comparing some of them to Adoption: Cupcake day... fostering fortnight, trainspotters week, frilly hat day - these are meant to celebrate those specific things. Why should NAW be any different!?!

Others intent...

Social media and online messages give me this part... it is not all positive. Not everyone embraces NAW in the same way. Some are very keen to say that actually NAW does not reflect the life of adoption - it is not celebratory. The focus on a specific cohort of children who are harder to place, this year it was the turn of siblings again. The attempt to recruit adoptive families for these children, many media stories of adoption, which actually this year, I felt were quite positive in comparison to some previous years. Positive about adoption as I am, I am not too sure it reflected exactly what we know about adoption.

Recent survey results, by Adoption UK and the BBC are quite telling about the experiences of adoption from those who are living and breathing it currently. Those voices aren't lying, they are being truthful as they can be in the constraints of a survey, and of course, the survey was not accessible to all, however, I am guessing the picture would be pretty similar if all adoptive parents in the U.K. Were to complete it. 

Lots of adoptive parents do NOT like nor appreciate the week, as nothing changes for them through this week... their children still behave the same, their lives are still consumed with trauma, and we are all still knackered trying to parent. What the hell is there to celebrate?

On Balance...

So, to conclude, from my own perspective. National Adoption Week should continue, however, it shouldn't focus on recruitment of families. Why do we need to spend a whole week attempting to find a family for a sibling group of four with needs that may not be able to be catered for by any one specific family, and where an agency can not afford to provide the level of support needed for that family? Surely recruitment is a 365 day per year thing, not just one week in the year?

The profile of the children being placed for adoption has changed beyond any recognition in the last 20... 30... 40 years. Has the system that brings these families together? In one word.... No.

There have been improvements, of course, there is a wider improved understanding, yes, indeed, but has the "system" travelled the same journey and kept up? No, it hasn't. I am a massive supporter of those who get it right... agencies, therapists, parents even, I champion you all, but get it wrong and its catastrophic for our children and for those trying to parent them.

Our adoption system, and for that matter the 'care system' needs a massive overhaul and rebrand. This isn't 1962 where majority of children are relinquished, this is 2017 where children are adopted from care as a result of trauma, neglect and abuse. Has adoption moved on that far? I asked the same question twice, because I still know the answer is No.

On reflection...

I am one of those people who likes to see positives in everything and everyone, just ask my hubby, it drives him potty, however, on reflection, is it that bad? Sadly, for some, yes. Our family flits in and out of all three thirds of that questions of where we sit... we have had the extreme, and the mid way extreme and then we have had no issues. 

We flirt with all three, and it's the times where we are 'normal' that I conclude we have everything that we want. We both do things in the vulnerable children sector (because it improves outcomes for all) to try and make a difference, hubby with education, and me trying to do a day job that often gets the weirdest of critisicisms, and voluntarily going around the country trying to make a difference, and to inform those that can to actually bloody do. Mostly, it works, doors get opened, and the foot stays in to ensure it is pushed open wider - and continue to push.

Our community is one hell of a supportive one, but we don't convert that into talking as one voice. We are all over the place - all wanting to achieve the same thing, but not knowing how to, or where to, or being able to.

National Adoption Week should be a celebration of adoption, but should be developing into something that recognises adoption in 2017, 18, 19 and beyond. Not just recruitment.

There... I said it... shoot me.

PS:

1. Would I adopt again? Without any question I would. Ups and downs.... I would change very very little.
2. I am not a part of an adoption elite... I have a platform. Don't critiscise it, embrace what can be done by joining these platforms.
3. Do I become critical of those not on the same journey as me? No.... every child is different, therefore isn't every journey?
4. Do I like alcohol.... yes, and I make no apology for that... stop having a go at me!! 😂