Positivity in adoption

I have wondered about this and the title so often in the past 8/9 years of my adoption journey. 

Yesterday I read Eva's blog (http://www.alcoates.co.uk/2015/05/adoption-is-it-happy-ever-after.html?m=1) about a lack of positivity when she reads about adoption, and actually, I applaud her for her honesty. It is true, often positivity is frowned upon by others who have such a hard time parenting their children.

It got me thinking more about my own positive and negative experiences, and Gareth (@GarethMarr) reminded me if it had been that bad the first time, we would not be in the process of doing it again. I also feel that if it was that bad would I have returned to work for an adoption charity (@AdoptionUK) making 99% of my life filled with time spent dealing with adoption? 

The other half and I briefly discussed it last night and we are truly not too sure if things have gotten altogether better as time has gone by, are we lucky with the children we parent, or have we just got used to our life as it is? (Something for

Myself and Al @NadjaSmit and I to discuss in the future!)

My thoughts are that it is likely a bit of all... The other half often struggles with accepting the behaviours we often see, I think my acceptance comes from speaking to/listening to/supporting adopters who have a struggle to parent their children. Not because they are struggling to be parents, but because their children struggle to be parented.... Full stop!

We have been away for a weeks holiday and this is the first time that the older two boys have adjusted well to the full week. They have been with us for 8 years and there seems to have been no cross words/arguements etc.... Or, have we adjusted our technique so that we now understand what the triggers are so that we avoid them or don't add to them? 

The little man who is 8 and has only been with us just over a year, is still not legally adopted, has also been much more relaxed.... I am trying to work out why... Perhaps his ADHD diagnosis has helped so he has medication that assist, however, I think our awareness of his needs is much better this holiday where we made decisions purely based on his needs. Examples: flight: airline with entertainment on board for the 13 hours, hotel: active kids club with stuff he needs to be doing to keep him busy, also understanding staff who acknowledge his needs. None of these are easy to ensure you have before you get there.

I have such empathy for my brother/sisterhood of adopters working hard every day to try their best to parent their children. I met a number of these at the annual Adoption UK conference last November. Specifically the POTATO group who have formed to provide support to one another with teenagers. These people fight and fight hard for their children. I class them as friends and can't wait to see them all this year at the conference!

When we get home we have GCSEs and end of college year, as well as retirement of our lovely primary school head teacher who we have had in our lives for the last 8 years for all three boys. 

All pretty possible this week, but I think I have answered my own question that it is a rollercoaster bringing up your children, regardless of how you become a parent. 

As for posting about positives, I will keep trying to post both sides, negative and positive, bearing in mind my cyber friends who are not having such a great time wit it all. Saying that.... I question.... Is it ALWAYS as negative for them or is it just so draining that it is hard for them to talk positives?