A tribute

I wrote this on Saturday morning after a message from a mutual friend of myself and Gareth's. 

Not two minutes ago I received a message telling me that my cyber dad has passed away after a long 'dance' with a terrible disease. He fought long and hard and he won 'dances' I would have recoiled away from.

I write this unsure of whether I will post this out of respect for Gareth or his wife and children, but feel the need to write a happy post about the man I used to get kisses from when I met him, emailed him, private messaged him or even public declarations of love. It may not even make sense.

I spoke with Gareth a few weeks ago when we had found out that he was ill again and I am confused by the feelings inside of having met someone over social media primarily and then face to face. 

I remember our first tweet which was long before my time with Adoption UK. It was pure banter and we were brought together similarly to a lot of us, through our advocacy for what we think is right for our children. 

Our first meeting was at the 2014 Adoption UK annual conference. He said he would be wearing a hat and a silk scarf. He was and I was drawn to him before I realised he couldn't talk without using the device he had in his throat. I was in awe of his strength and his ability to ignore this disability, even though I was fascinated by it. And as he used to tell us all, he loved his Barry White smooth sound. I loved his stories of his son showing him off with his friends as something unusual and I could tell he was proud to have this dimension, even if he was 'dancing' against the cause of it - as was his son!

I was scared the day I visited Gareth at his home - but that was the turning point for us as contacts turning into friends.

Sitting here reflecting on what became a wonderful friendship I wonder what drew him to me. I will never know. What did any of us do to deserve such a wonderful man in our lives? He was matter of fact, challenging, told it like it was, knew what he wanted to do and say and did it. Something we can all learn from.

I believe that before he began his final 'dance' he was informed that the work he had contributed to had resulted in changes for all children previously from care within education. He fought so hard for this - to the point where at times I am sure it ultimately affected his health. 

A few months ago he asked me to be his voice at a meeting for a group of adopters in London. I had to think long and hard about doing it, mainly because I was unsure I could do the same justice to it that he would. If I didn't do it then it would not be a message delivered by someone who had had similar experiences to Gareth advocating for education as an adoptive parent.

I did it, and I was proud to deliver that message for Gareth. I find myself looking at our tweets about that evening and am honoured that he shared the pride he had in me publicly.

I will end in saying that I am proud of you Gareth. Without you I doubt I would have found my voice, ironically, in being able to stick my head above the parapet and be able to publicly advocate in what we all believe in.

To his dear wife and children my thoughts are with you at this sad time - he did you all proud.

I am honoured to have met you and to have been a friend that we could all rely in, an advisor for life and your message will stay with me for ever. Until we meet again my dear friend.

I'm off to buy a hat. 

Scott xx