I wrote a blog about Positivity in Adoption last March (Link to that exact blog!), and after a week of ups and downs, I wanted to revisit some of the positives in adoption.
Postivity is not for everyone, and what I mean by that is that for some it is hard when they are on their knees without support, a position that none of us want to be in, deserve to be in nor should ever be in. Sadly we are, and whilst we continue on with the "fight" to improve our adoption system, we continue to fight on with bringing up our little bundles of joy.
Since this time last week I feel we have been at every stage of the spectrum from exacting happiness to absolutely pulling our hair out with anxiety and back to exacting happiness again. Parenting an 18 year old is extremely interesting, and what I mean by that is that it was a milestone we reached, and celebrated - it was over right?
Yes, the pre-18 phase was over, but in June we embarked on a new adventure... parenting an "adult" - the reason I say it like that is, are any of our 18 year olds who have suffered neglect, abuse and trauma really their chronological age? Very few from what I hear.
Since June we have had so many ups and downs, it is difficult to recall them all. He has a job, albeit not full time, he has discovered the Pub, additionally he has also discovered what the inside of an Ambulance looks like, as well as the local A&E, and what a knock on the door from the police sounds like (an experience he also had in his younger day).
We have had to re-learn how to parent an adult.... It took me some weeks to realise this was the case, that finish line had been moved, and we were yet again traipsing through treacle to reach it.
I guess the positives are there, he is learning that spending all your cash in the Pub on those "friends" who go out without money will mean you don't have any left, he is learning that respect works both ways, he is learning that despite the curfew set, I will still sleep lightly and be anxious about what he is up to.
Last weekend was all about the Pub, the drinking, the getting so drunk that he was still drunk the next day - for us it was realisation that whilst we have all come so far, we have come no way at all.
Tris always reminds me to look over our shoulders and remind ourselves where we have all been.... Today I did that, and whilst all of the above is still a huge issue, I see into the future too, not in a psychic fashion, but a realistic one.
The next few months will see him prepare to go and live in another country for 6 months... Yes, you read that right - 6 months in America. 6 months for him to learn more about life and help those who also need to learn more about life. AmeriCamp offered him, rather quickly a place in Pennsylvania, and what was it that they saw in him? His Bronze, Silver and Gold Duke of Edinburgh awards AND his life experiences.
I am never ever one for boasting, but I am one for sharing my pride. I could scream about this achievement from the roof tops, the boy done good.... and will be going to a State in the US where the legal age to drink alcohol is 21 years old*.
Win win..... a positive in adoption!
*I am not so stupid to think this will cure the aforementioned alcohol issue. Merely indicating that being away with new people gaining new life experiences may improve the binge drinking aspect of our weekend lives!
Postivity is not for everyone, and what I mean by that is that for some it is hard when they are on their knees without support, a position that none of us want to be in, deserve to be in nor should ever be in. Sadly we are, and whilst we continue on with the "fight" to improve our adoption system, we continue to fight on with bringing up our little bundles of joy.
Since this time last week I feel we have been at every stage of the spectrum from exacting happiness to absolutely pulling our hair out with anxiety and back to exacting happiness again. Parenting an 18 year old is extremely interesting, and what I mean by that is that it was a milestone we reached, and celebrated - it was over right?
Yes, the pre-18 phase was over, but in June we embarked on a new adventure... parenting an "adult" - the reason I say it like that is, are any of our 18 year olds who have suffered neglect, abuse and trauma really their chronological age? Very few from what I hear.
Since June we have had so many ups and downs, it is difficult to recall them all. He has a job, albeit not full time, he has discovered the Pub, additionally he has also discovered what the inside of an Ambulance looks like, as well as the local A&E, and what a knock on the door from the police sounds like (an experience he also had in his younger day).
We have had to re-learn how to parent an adult.... It took me some weeks to realise this was the case, that finish line had been moved, and we were yet again traipsing through treacle to reach it.
I guess the positives are there, he is learning that spending all your cash in the Pub on those "friends" who go out without money will mean you don't have any left, he is learning that respect works both ways, he is learning that despite the curfew set, I will still sleep lightly and be anxious about what he is up to.
Last weekend was all about the Pub, the drinking, the getting so drunk that he was still drunk the next day - for us it was realisation that whilst we have all come so far, we have come no way at all.
The next few months will see him prepare to go and live in another country for 6 months... Yes, you read that right - 6 months in America. 6 months for him to learn more about life and help those who also need to learn more about life. AmeriCamp offered him, rather quickly a place in Pennsylvania, and what was it that they saw in him? His Bronze, Silver and Gold Duke of Edinburgh awards AND his life experiences.
I am never ever one for boasting, but I am one for sharing my pride. I could scream about this achievement from the roof tops, the boy done good.... and will be going to a State in the US where the legal age to drink alcohol is 21 years old*.
Win win..... a positive in adoption!
*I am not so stupid to think this will cure the aforementioned alcohol issue. Merely indicating that being away with new people gaining new life experiences may improve the binge drinking aspect of our weekend lives!
Comments
Post a Comment